Before I start the next part of this series that delves into why I have anxiety, I need to express my gratitude and love for our armed forces.
The actions of this particular Marine in no way reflect upon the Marine Corps as a whole. My father was and always will be a Marine and I believe in the Corps and am honored to be a daughter of a Marine.
Despite what went on behind closed doors, my time spent married to the Corps offered blessings for myself and the families that I came to love. That reminds me, I need to write about the positive things swimming in my brain from that time in the future.
All of that aside, I mentioned that I was primed for some horrible things to happen in my life. The effects of my combined live experiences to that point had me in a horrible place.
I’ll be the first person to point out that I wasn’t mentally or emotionally unhealthy and defined my sense of self worth or how others felt about me. When I found myself feeling uncomfortable because things were going too good, I simply freaked out!
I have regrets, but now they’re the healthy kind. I may have missed out on a different kind of life. In the long run, without what came next, I never would have been in a place or situation where I would have to face the past and actually live with it.
Am I sorry that I hurt people that I honestly loved? Yes, but I know I wouldn’t have what I have now if I hadn’t gone through all of the crazy.
Will I ever have a chance to make amends for what happened in the past? Probably not, and I’ve come to terms with the fact that amends is for me, and not necessarily for the people that got caught up in it all along the way because it could hurt them.
Am I grateful that I survived and have an amazing life now? Honestly, words could not even begin to describe.